Why Won't You Love Me?
by MoonBay11
Summary: Not quite sure if this is the right rating. Complain if it isn't Harry stared at Sirius retreating back then asked in a low voice, “Why won’t you love me?” Sirius stopped and stood frozen at the door. When he didn’t answer, Harry asked a bit louder, wal


**Why Won't You Love Me?**

Disclaimer: HA! I am doing it first so I won't forget. Well, I don't own HP or any other related things to it. I own the plot. Oh yes, this is a Harry/Sirius, so just to warn you all. And Sirius was never temporarily misplaced behind the veil. Probably doesn't make to much sense, but that is alright by me…Also, I not quite sure what this is rated…By the way, just don't ask what kind of mood I am in…

Sirius was sitting in the living at Grimmauld Place, staring at the ceiling, recalling all his 'fond' memories with his family and this place. The room and some of the house still had lingering darkness about it even though everyone had tried to clean it up. It looks and feels better now though. Sirius was so deep in thought that he didn't notice the figure at the door…

Harry stared at his Godfather from the doorway. Harry was about twenty-two and he had defeated Voldemort five years ago. Since then he had lived with Sirius, working as a substitute teacher for both the wizarding world and the muggle world. He had gotten Sirius named cleared and he had then opened a restaurant/pub that was very popular. They both had let their black hair grow out a bit, but Sirius' was still longer by a long shot. Sirius had gotten most of his muscle and body figure back…Harry had been noticing that lately. Harry stared intently at his Godfather. 'He looks really sad.' Harry thought to himself. He had been thinking a lot about this man lately. He realized that he loved him when he had been fighting Voldemort and some idiotic Deatheater shot his Godfather with a curse that knocked him out for three weeks. He hadn't thought that Sirius was going to make it, the way he didn't show any signs of waking up. His eye's watered up at the memory.

Harry had spent most of those three weeks crying or yelling…it wasn't a very good time in his life, not that he had to many. He was so pissed, having defeated the Dark Lord only to have Sirius die. But thankfully, that didn't happen.

He was brought back to the present when he noticed that there were wet streaks going down his Godfathers cheeks. His wide eyes flew to Sirius' eyes. They were closed but you could see the tears coming from them. Harry's heart ached at the site. He stepped into the room and walked silently to Sirius' side. He had told Sirius that he loved him once, when Sirius had awoken from the curse and came back home. He had snuck into his Godfathers room and told him then…but not again since then…he's tried, plenty of times…Sirius' just seems not to be listening. Harry stepped closer and lightly put his finger tips on one of his wet cheeks…

Sirius started thinking about everything that happened in this house in his childhood. The pain of the memories was so intense that he had to close his eyes. He remembered all the yelling, all the screaming, all the beatings, and all the hurt and pain…nothing he did to this house would erase those memories. Memories like those had been hitting him lately…The only thing that seemed to make him forget was Harry. He smiled slightly at the thought of his Godson. He liked that Harry had come to live with him…he didn't think that he could've survived this long in this house without him.

But even Harry couldn't be around him _all _the time…and those times that Harry was gone for long periods of times were the worse…that was when memories and nightmares would hit. He knew that he loved Harry. He figured that out a long time ago, but something kept holding him back…it was this memory…a memory that kept haunting him…

_**Flash back**_

_Sirius was about fourteen. He had come home for Christmas break, because his mother had ordered him there…he didn't want to come, but he also didn't want his friends knowing what was happening at home…he hadn't had gone home, they would have become suspicious._

_As soon as he got home, his father had smacked him across the face and told him that he was such a slow and stupid child and that he wasn't even worth the wait. Sirius had ignored him and the pain and brought up his trunk to his room. When he got there, he saw his little brother sitting one his bed, eating a huge cake and ice cream. He glared at Sirius. "What are you doing in here?" Regulus asked in a nasty voice._

_Sirius glared right back. He loved his brother, but his mother and father had poisoned his mind with lies and hurtful things. Sirius really couldn't blame him. "Well," Sirius replied, "this is my room."_

_Regulus sneered at him. "Not anymore…you got the room down the hall…you know, the bad room…" Regulus smiled gleefully at the look on his brother's face. "Oh, poor brother…is he scared of the dark, scary room?"_

_Sirius shook his head quickly and glared at his little brother. "No, I am not scared you prat." He picked up his trunk, slammed his old bedroom door, and dragged his trunk to the end of the hall to a dark door. Sirius stared at it and swallowed slightly. He opened the door slowly to reveal a tiny dark room that gave of a feeling of hatred and sorrow. This was the 'bad' room. He and his brother had come up with the name. Their mother use to stick them in here if they were bad…the room was made for the purpose of punishment…it was kind of like a dementor…it made you forget all your happiness and all your energy. Then mother would come and get you and beat you. _

_Sirius shook his head and closed the door…he decided that he will sleep in the attic…no one goes up there and it was a bit less dark. He dragged the trunk up to the attic. He had his back turned to the door and was so into one of his books that he didn't hear the door open or close. _

_The next thing he felt was someone pulling on his hair. He let out a painful/startled yelp. His head was roughly turned into the dark and glowing silver eyes of his mother. "Mum…" Sirius said pitifully and he got a slap for that._

"_Do NOT call me that you piece of filth…" Mrs. Black glared at her eldest son. "Now, this is the last time I want to see your bloody face or your stench in this house…I got something to tell you…" Mrs. Black hit him hard across the face again. He felt his cheek bruising. "Okay, now you mudblood loving piece of garbage…you are not my son and it would have been a lot better if I never had you or killed you when I had the chance…you only care about yourself you selfish arse…did you ever think about your family? Did you ever care about us? ME? Your like us…you'll turn like us…You don't deserve ANYTHING…you don't deserve happiness, you don't deserve the name Black, you don't deserve friends, and" with each 'don't deserve', she hit him hard. Sirius started to black out by the end of the sentence…but he did here what his mother last words were…"and you don't deserve love…no one can love you…" and with that last word, he blacked out…_

_**End of flash back**_

Sirius didn't notice he was crying or that he was being stared at so intensely. He didn't hear the floor creak as some came walking across or the breathing of another human being. He did notice when finger tips lightly brushed his cheek. He opened his silver eyes so much like his mothers in color and looked into the emerald green eyes of Harry. Sirius' eyes widened when he saw the tears in his Godson's eyes. "Harry…what's wrong?"

Harry stared at him. Sirius had such worry in his eyes that it made his heart ache even more. "Sirius…I should be asking you that…"

Sirius looked surprised by that statement. Then he saw his reflection in Harry's glasses. He quickly started to wipe his cheeks and smiled at him. "Sorry Harry…I don't know what came over me…"

Harry's eyes narrowed. "What's wrong Sirius? You seem really down in the dumps lately."

Sirius just shook his head. "Nothing Harry. Really, it's nothing."

Harry's eyes went sad. "Why won't you tell me? Why do you lie to me?" He put his hands on either side of Sirius' face and he winced by the touch. Harry's heart ached so much for the man that he loves. Remus had told him that Sirius didn't have the greatest childhood (that he already knew) but Remus had said that one time that Sirius had gotten drunk, he had confessed to being beaten and that his family had put poison in his mind that he shouldn't have happiness or love or anything like that and Sirius for some reason believed that. Harry didn't know why…

Sirius hated to see that look in his Godson eyes. "Harry…it's nothing that you have done…"

"It's that stupid god damn family of yours isn't it?" Harry asked with such venom in his voice, that it startled Sirius. When he didn't answer, Harry kept on going. "Sirius, your family is gone and not even worth your worry." Sirius just stared at him. Harry growled in frustration. He glared at Sirius. "I love you god damn it." And with that said he kissed him hard.

Sirius eyes widened with shock and then the closed slightly and his kissed back. He put his arms around Harry's back and his eyes closed. After a moment, he realized what he was doing; he broke the kiss, pushed Harry away, stood up and headed towards the door.

Harry stared at Sirius retreating back then asked in a low voice, "Why won't you love me?" Sirius stopped and stood frozen at the door. When he didn't answer, Harry asked a bit louder, walking towards Sirius, "Why Sirius? Why won't you love?" When he got to Sirius, he put his arms around his waist and laid his head on the other mans shoulder. "Why?"

Sirius closed his eyes tightly. "I can't Harry…I won't…"

"But why? What the hell did they say to you?"

Tears started to flow down his face and landed on Harry's face. "I'm sorry Harry…I don't want to turn out like them…I don't want to hurt you…"

Harry moved around to face Sirius and looked him in the eyes. "Siri, you could never be like them…"

Sirius growled in frustration. "But I have there blood Harry…I'm related to those bloody bastards…I could turn out like them…I think they're right…"

Harry grabbed either side of Sirius face and smiled. "You will _never _be like them…I can't imagine you like them at all…I love you and I trust you. God Sirius, your family is just an ass and you actually listened to them."

Sirius looked Harry in the eyes for a long time and Harry stared right back. Suddenly, Sirius smiled and started to laugh. Harry smiled broader and kiss the older man. When they separated, Sirius smiled. "I love you too Harry…thank you for reminding me."

Harry smiled. "No problem." Harry started to kiss away the remainders of Sirius' tears and with that, he kissed away the remainder of Sirius' doubts and pains…

**-End-**


End file.
